I don’t really give a lot of dating advice, but when my students asked, I used to tell them:
Pay close attention to how people describe their exes.

If a person says, “All my exes are crazy,”
that person might be the crazy one
(or, at the very least, have some serious growing up to do),
and you shouldn’t date.

If a person says, “All my exes are jerks,”
that person might be the jerk
(or, at the very least, have some serious growing up to do),
and you shouldn’t date.

Likewise, if you ever find yourself describing every person you’ve ever dated with a label like “jerk” or “crazy” or “evil”, you probably have some serious growing up to do too, and I recommend not dating for a while. Even if the statement is objectively correct and every significant other really has fit one of those descriptions, maybe you need to take some time to explore what you really want from a relationship or set better boundaries or reevaluate your support systems.

How people talk about their past significant others is a tremendous tell because nice people tend to attract other nice people. At the very least, nice people tend to recognize others as imperfect people who are doing their best, meaning they resist the urge to pigeonhole others as “crazy” or “evil” or “jerks” even if they really are crazy evil jerks.

So if a person you’re interested in historically only dates not-nice people,
odds are that person is not a nice person either
(or, again, has some serious growing up to do),
and if you find yourself only dating not-nice people too,
then it’s time for a break from dating and some reexamination.

So, all that being said, if you DO want to hear some stories about eccentric exes, you should head to Hyperion Brewing Company this Wednesday for “The EX-Files,” an event hosted by our friends at The Story Arts Workshop. Hear some great stories, and maybe even tell one yourself. It should be a great night!