A “crisis” is any situation, expected or otherwise, which disrupts the normal flow of life and family. Whether a death, divorce, job loss, move, or mental health emergency, everyone eventually experiences a crisis, and everyone responds differently. Unfortunately, for those providing support, someone else’s crisis can be highly uncomfortable, and there are a number of cliches which escape our lips to occupy the uncomfortable space. From what I’ve studied and seen in nearly a decade of ministry, saying nothing at all and just being present is almost always the best option, but if you feel like you have to say something, I have a suggestion:

What not to say:
“The prayer of the faithful will heal the sick!”
(See also: “We must not have prayed hard enough.”)

Why it’s bad:
I know we’ve covered prayer in this series before, but this one merits its own post. Sure, the “prayer of the faithful” expression comes almost verbatim from the book of James, but remember, just because something’s in the Bible doesn’t mean it’s appropriate in every situation! Here’s the original quote:

… Are any among you sick? They should call for the elders of the church and have them pray over them, anointing them with oil in the name of the Lord. The prayer of faith will save the sick, and the Lord will raise them up; and anyone who has committed sins will be forgiven…. (James 5:14-15, NRSV)

Here’s the tricky part:
The word translated “save” (Greek: σῴζω) from verse 15 might imply a medical healing or a spiritual one, and Bible translators disagree on the word’s proper meaning in James 5.
The NIV translates it “make well.”
The Message, NLT, and CEB prefer “heal.”
The NRSV, KJV, ASV, and ESV all say “save.”
I prefer this last translation because of its ambiguity; “saving” someone could have any number of meanings, with only some of them medical. We set dangerous expectations when we assume a medical cure after every prayer. If the person dies, does that mean God didn’t hear us? Does it mean we didn’t pray correctly? Were we not faithful enough? A “yes” to any of these questions would imply a pretty weak God, an oversimplified understanding of prayer, or maybe both.

Better option:
“In addition to your health, how can I be praying for you?”

Why it’s better:
While I do think prayers can heal, there’s something deeper and more mystical to prayer. The practice of prayer can have a relaxing and comforting effect. When we lift up prayer requests, we’re sharing the burdens of our hearts with God and entering into conversation with the ultimate caregiver. Thus, inviting others into our prayers is a form of caregiving as well. Open questions like “How can I be praying for you?” invite people into the conversation of prayer by giving them control. Adding the phrase “in addition to your health” encourages people to reflect on the other issues tugging at their hearts. I’ve received all sorts of answers to this question— prayers for family members, concerns about the world, or even requests for a full-on miracle.

Our prayers carry tremendous power to soothe and to heal, but when we assume our prayers will have a specific medical effect, we risk doing spiritual harm to the people in our care.
So treat prayer as a conversation, and invite others into it.
Remember there’s still some mystery to all this. Stay open.