Fighting on the internet is dumb. Assuming a nonnegotiable stance on issues you don’t fully understand while refusing to hear a more experienced or informed person’s perspective is even dumber. Unfortunately, regardless of your stance, this is how arguments about alcohol tend to go.

The pro-drinking folks I know are adamantly pro-drinking.
The anti-drinking folks I know are adamantly anti-drinking.
There are plenty of people who think I’m an alcoholic because of my whopping four drinks a week, and there are plenty of people who think I’m a goody-two-shoes for only having four drinks a week.
Over time, as I’ve watched these conversations unfold (and been on the receiving end of more than a few condemnations), I’ve learned I can’t change people’s minds on this issue.
I do not expect to convince you drinking is okay or that you should.
I do not expect to convince you drinking is not okay or that you shouldn’t.
Again, I don’t know that I’ve ever encountered someone whose mind wasn’t already made up, so why should we talk about drinking and moderation at all?

Because,
regardless of whether they’re pro-drinking or anti-drinking,
some people reading this may be struggling with how much they drink,
some people reading this may be struggling to understand a loved one’s choices,
some people reading this may not know how to stop,
some people reading this may not know how to help,
some people reading this may not recognize their limits,
some people reading this may not recognize the signs,
some people reading this may feel confused or lost or angry or overwhelmed or frustrated or hurt or helpless or alone,
and that’s why we need to talk about it.
Regardless of your beliefs on alcohol,
we need to talk about it.

There are people around you who need someone to talk to.
I see them constantly. Whether they’re on barstools or in hospital beds, people tend to open up pretty quickly when someone is willing to listen without judging. Just shutting our mouths for five minutes can change another person’s life for the better.

So if you’re reading this, and you’re anti-drinking, that’s fine.
I’m not trying to change your mind, and I doubt I could anyway,
but know that you’ll eventually encounter someone struggling with alcohol who needs an ally, and if your immediate response is to label this person an alcoholic and start preaching about the evils of drinking and the fires of Hell instead of listening,
you won’t be the ally that person needs.
Don’t assume. Listen.
Ask questions. Keep an open mind.
Only then will you be able to help.

And if you’re reading this, and you’re pro-drinking, that’s fine.
I’m not trying to change your mind, and I doubt I could anyway,
but know that you’ll eventually encounter someone who’s either on the edge or has already fallen over and needs an ally, and if your immediate response is to get defensive and start justifying your own drinking and lambasting those stuffy teetotaler types,
you won’t be the ally that person needs.
Don’t assume. Listen.
Ask questions. Keep an open mind.
Only then will you be able to help.

If you genuinely want to help people struggling with addiction, unable to find balance, or overwhelmed by a world beyond their control, you have to let them speak first. You have to table your judgments and let them set the tone. Even if you’ve known addiction, even if you’ve faced it yourself, you don’t yet know their addiction.

I don’t expect to change your mind about alcohol,
but when you encounter people in pain,
please keep an open mind.
Don’t assume. Listen.
That’s how you can help.