Back when I worked with teenagers, regardless of where I was serving —churches, schools, coffeeshops, wherever—, there were two questions that my students asked again and again:

(1) “I’m stressed out all the time trying to make my parents and teachers and friends happy (not to mention what I want from my life). What should I do?”

(2) “I’ve accepted Jesus, but I keep messing up. How can God forgive me when I’m doing the same wrong stuff over and over again?”

I’ve been thinking on these questions a lot lately because I’ve found that they’re not unique to teenagers.
My friends ask them.
The bar patrons I meet ask them.
My homeless people and hospital patients ask them.
I ask them.

Both questions point back to a single theme: I feel like I’m not good enough.
In a culture so fixated on achievement, we probably shouldn’t be surprised that so many people feel like they’re not good enough. Worse still, decades of participation trophies and purple dinosaurs singing about self-esteem have conditioned people my age and younger to be skeptical whenever we receive praise for our achievements. “Sure, they say I did a great job, but they say that to everyone. I don’t feel like I did a great job, so I’m going to trust my feelings instead.” This mindset can lead to a vicious cycle of self-flagellation: no matter how we’re judged, high achievers don’t feel good enough, which leads to working harder, which leads to more praise, which leads to more suspicion and more feelings of not really being good enough. Don’t believe me? Try telling a high-achieving teenager that they’re doing a great job, and then enjoy the tailspin that ensues.

Call me nihilistic, but I’ve found a lot more peace in this idea: It doesn’t matter.
God doesn’t love you because of your achievements. More than likely, your friends and family don’t love you because of them either. (And if that really is the only reason they love you, please reach out so that we can talk.) Your worth isn’t tied to your deeds, and neither is your salvation. Aside from being contrary to the Gospel, assessing your value based on your achievements will lead you to a trap of angst and depression every time.

Instead of focusing only on achieving, just remember.
Remember that human beings are made in the Image of God.
Remember that all the people you encounter
—be they teenagers, bar patrons, homeless people, or hospital patients—
are of infinite value.
Remember that each one is a life created by God,
designed for worship and joy
(even those who keep messing up).

Remember,
God takes those who are unworthy and makes them worthy,
God takes those deemed useless and makes them useful,
God takes the broken, screwed up, and messed up and makes them whole.
It’s not a matter of being good enough;
even by our own earthly standards, we never could be.
Remember that it’s not our standards we’re measured by;
we’re measured by God’s, and God sees infinite value in each of us.

***********************

This post was prompted by Carey Niewouf’s outstanding post on workaholism in clergy.  Also, for a surprisingly poignant meditation on the link between achievement and depression, check out the Netflix cartoon series Bojack Horseman. It’s definitely adults-only viewing, but it’s an excellent fable on how high achievement can often leave us feeling more empty.