Purity rings, abstinence pledges, courting— Evangelical Christianity has a particular and peculiar stance on human sexuality. If you’re like me, you grew up surrounded by this “Purity Culture,” which relies on poorly sourced data, psychologically harmful misinformation, and carefully prooftexted bible verses. The effects of Purity Culture have been almost universally negative, and I wonder what it would look like for Christians to talk about sex more healthily. In each post in this series, I’ll give a misconception I heard growing up and offer a healthier counterpoint.

This week’s Purity Culture misconception:
“Women, every man is fighting a battle inside, so you better cover up so you don’t cause men to sin.”

When I was a youth minister, rather than crafting new policies about clothing, I typically observed whatever dress code the parents and teens had previously agreed upon for pool parties and such. I was pretty laid back about clothing, and not once did a student or parent or volunteer complain about dress expectations. In fact, the closest I ever came to any kind of dress code was when students spoke or performed in the Sunday morning worship service, at which point I would say something to the effect of, “Remember some of our older church members have more old school sensibilities about clothes, so job interview dress please.”

Still, our teens’ attire was sometimes a hot button issue with other church members. I’ll never forget when a couple (who were not related to any of our students and were not volunteers with our ministry) approached me in my office one day with concerns about the length of some of my female students’ shorts on Sunday mornings. They gave the usual lines about modesty, and I groaned internally. This church was in south Florida, so due to the subtropical climate, bare limbs were the norm regardless of gender. Plenty of our guys showed up to events in chubbies and tank tops, but this couple were only concerned with the female students’ attire. After hearing them out, I decided to phrase my response carefully as a non-apology: “I’m sorry you see our students that way.” I then explained my “job interview dress” policy for anyone getting on the platform, stated I’d rather students be comfortably attired in church on Sunday than comfortably attired at home on Sunday, and that was the last time I got that kind of complaint.

It’s a peculiar compulsion, this drive to make women cover up. Whatever our opinions may be on “showing too much skin” or how the fashion industry and popular culture drive clothing trends, we get into dangerous territory when we make girls’ and women’s clothing choices a matter of purity (which Purity Culture loves to do). Female bodies receive the blame for male arousal, and the push for “modesty” masks a carefully-crafted culture of shame. Sure, there are some places where a tube top isn’t appropriate, but there has to be a better way of addressing bodies, desire, and sexuality.

Maybe instead, we should say…
You know, there’s a fine line between modesty and shaming, so let’s be open with one another about our struggles and desires but be careful about making demands of each other or placing blame. Also, let’s be real: if people (especially men) are attracted to someone, odds are no amount of clothing is really going to make a difference, so instead of heaping a bunch of rules on women, let’s focus on helping people acknowledge desire in a healthy way.

Bodies are beautiful.
Desire is natural.
Physical attractiveness and —dare I say it— sex appeal shouldn’t be sources of shame or causes for oppression. (In fact, multiple heroic women in the Bible like Tamar and Esther and Ruth use their sexualities to their advantage, but that’s probably a post for another time.) When men’s desires are treated as women’s responsibility, we play a dangerous game of shame, and we need to consider this carefully as we talk about modesty. There’s such a fine line between teaching modesty and imposing shame, so whenever this topic comes up, we must examine our motives carefully and be mindful of consequences. I find it’s always good to ask, “Who is hurt by this, and who receives blame?” Draconian dress codes do a lot to inconvenience women and shift blame to them, yet men’s “battles” don’t seem to be made any easier by more layers of clothing. Of course, this whole obsession with covering women’s bodies is based in a deeply harmful double standard, and we’ll get to that next week.